Oh, The Drama!

Alright, now that I’ve had a healthy discussion with my husband and we both had our mini-mental-breakdowns, we’re both feeling more level-headed. I also apologize to you, Dear Reader, for my very random outburst; Our apartment is incredibly cluttered and FULL of everyones crap, and it is getting all of us to a breaking point. I’ve talked to my two friends, and they’ve agreed that this week we will all do a small part to help tidy up the main living space, and once this week is over, we will all start condensing all of our stuff into storage and give ourselves as much space as possible. We have until the end of February to live in this tiny apartment, so we’ve gotta make our lives as easy as possible, and keep the negative effects on our mental health as little as possible.

On top of that, we are SO CLOSE to finishing our quarter!! We are all SO tired, and SO excited to be done. Today, we are finishing our separate project presentations for one class, and we’ve all finished our exams, so after today we’ve got nothing to work on!! Yippeeeee!

A Change Of Topic - My Childhood VS Me Today

Does my current lifestyle reflect my childhood? Short answer: hell no.

Longer answer? My current lifestyle is full of love, respect, communication, and education thanks to amazing friends and my found family. I mainly have my husband to thank for the early-lifestyle change; He encouraged me to go back to therapy, taught me what proper healthy communication looks and sounds like. Thanks to him, I’ve learned that when I am frustrated, overstimulated, or angry with someone or something, I am allowed to step away and cool off and I deserve uninterruption. The only person in my life that has disrespected this boundary is my mother, and she is no longer in my life. Over the last ten years, I have been working to perfect my communication skills and keeping a level head, I haven’t gotten into any painful arguments with anyone. Any time my husband and I, or any of my friends or siblings and I, have some miscommunications or hurt feelings, we all feel safe enough to approach each other for a calm and meaningful discussion to get back on the same page and resolve any lingering tension.

I’ve also made a lot of friends, people who share my experiences as a child and teenager and have similar mental illnesses. These friends have taught me so much, and helped me recognize my toxic patterns, and also helped me see the value in myself. They taught me what boundaries are important, and how to uphold them safely. Because I was able to create and uphold my boundaries, I was able to disown my mother, and I don’t visit my family often in order to avoid triggering my anger and anxiety. As a child, I was bullied quite harshly by not only school kids, but by my older siblings and mother. Today, I have such strong boundaries that it doesn’t phase me if anyone tries to bully me as an adult, instead I either shut them down, or I allow it to go over my head and ignore it. However, if someone I care about is getting bullied, I immediately get active with it (which is made easier by being actively in college). I tell any advisors of the situation and keep track of it and on their case until it gets resolved.

That’s another thing – I’m in college!! My second year out of 3 at that. Younger me never thought this was going to happen; Strictly because I was told by family members that I would never get this far, I would always be a failure. Thanks to a safer and healthier environment, I know that that isn’t true. I’ve succeeded in areas that those people could never reach (and only because they would never let themselves get that far). I’ve learned so much, and I’m thankful I was able to find anxiety medication when I did… My memory is getting better, along with my self-confidence. I’m able to memorize things I code and learn better, and during my three week break I’m going to be learning how to use React and NextJS, which I’m hoping I’ll be able to specialize in, along with Typescript.

Anyways… I’m not sure what else to write about regarding this 😅 If you stayed to read this far, thank you!! I’ll see you next time :)